Stuck

Okay, so I haven't posted anything lately but it's because I'm hiding out. Not in my real life, just in my blog life. The reason being that I've done absolutely nothing lately to try and lose weight. Nothing.  I haven't binged or gone crazy, I just haven't put any effort into anything. I felt guilty. Sorry.

This is turning out to be waayyy harder than I thought.  I've actually lost weight before, I was down to 188 lbs about 4 years ago, but that was due to a combination of anemia, night shifts and one meal a day.  Not a scenario I'm looking to repeat.

Until recent months, I was holding steady at 224 but started to climb which is why I started this blog.  But I can't get motivated.  It's like I'm subconciously stubborn and am trying to keep myself this way. Why would I do that?  Am I scared to actually be thinner? Is it because I only know myself as overweight? That's probably part of it.  I've never been thin so I have no idea what I'm going to look like, if it'll change my personality, if people will treat me differently.  I guess I fear the unknown.

Anyway, I've been feeling a lot of frustration, a lot of disappointment and a lot of hope all in a short span of time.  I'm feeling a bit worn down from it.  I know I sound gloomy, but it is what it is. Hopefully I haven't depressed everyone.  I'll feel better, promise.

I hope everyone else is doing great and I'll post again soon!