Okay, so I haven't posted anything lately but it's because I'm hiding out. Not in my real life, just in my blog life. The reason being that I've done absolutely nothing lately to try and lose weight. Nothing. I haven't binged or gone crazy, I just haven't put any effort into anything. I felt guilty. Sorry.
This is turning out to be waayyy harder than I thought. I've actually lost weight before, I was down to 188 lbs about 4 years ago, but that was due to a combination of anemia, night shifts and one meal a day. Not a scenario I'm looking to repeat.
Until recent months, I was holding steady at 224 but started to climb which is why I started this blog. But I can't get motivated. It's like I'm subconciously stubborn and am trying to keep myself this way. Why would I do that? Am I scared to actually be thinner? Is it because I only know myself as overweight? That's probably part of it. I've never been thin so I have no idea what I'm going to look like, if it'll change my personality, if people will treat me differently. I guess I fear the unknown.
Anyway, I've been feeling a lot of frustration, a lot of disappointment and a lot of hope all in a short span of time. I'm feeling a bit worn down from it. I know I sound gloomy, but it is what it is. Hopefully I haven't depressed everyone. I'll feel better, promise.
I hope everyone else is doing great and I'll post again soon!
5.15.2010
5.07.2010
Slow and Steady...
I'm back! And I'm holding at 232. I'm okay with this because for the last week or so I've been eating "normal", which means not too much junk but not watching what I eat too closely. So the fact that I haven't gained is relieving. I had a great time with my sister and her family and now that I'm back I can jump into my routine again.
I've been writing in my food journal, and yes I'm including the good, the bad and the ugly because I want to be accountable for what I'm doing rather than looking the other way. It's quite obvious to me what my weaknesses are: chocolate things, salty things and starchy/cheesy things. Combine my years of habitually eating those types of foods with no exercise and duh...no wonder I'm in this predicament. As I've always said there's noone to blame but me. And maybe that's the hardest part-knowing that not only do I do this to myself but I'm the only one who can stop it. I may as well be standing in a corner, repeatedly hitting myself with a stick.
Anyway, I don't mean to sound bitter, I'm just getting frustrated with myself. Knowing what to do and actually doing it are two very different things. I can see my path but am not quite able to run down it...yet.
I've been writing in my food journal, and yes I'm including the good, the bad and the ugly because I want to be accountable for what I'm doing rather than looking the other way. It's quite obvious to me what my weaknesses are: chocolate things, salty things and starchy/cheesy things. Combine my years of habitually eating those types of foods with no exercise and duh...no wonder I'm in this predicament. As I've always said there's noone to blame but me. And maybe that's the hardest part-knowing that not only do I do this to myself but I'm the only one who can stop it. I may as well be standing in a corner, repeatedly hitting myself with a stick.
Anyway, I don't mean to sound bitter, I'm just getting frustrated with myself. Knowing what to do and actually doing it are two very different things. I can see my path but am not quite able to run down it...yet.
5.02.2010
I miss my sunshine...
Well, I'm finally back to 232 again! I've noticed that I don't have as much energy when I work out lately and even though I know part of the reason is being crazy busy at work, I think I'm just tired of being inside. The weather has been sort of cold and rainy with snow in between (still!) but the sun is shining today and I just want to get out there.
In the past, I haven't really done outdoor activities for one reason or another but right now I'm craving the sun, the wind, birds in the trees, the smell of freshly mown grass, all of it. We have a greenbelt in our neighbourhood where they've actually put in permanent, basic exercise equipment along the trail. They have curl-up benches, elliptical apparatus, etc. I think it's perfect because as you jog, run, walk, bike along the paved path there are all these spots to stop and work out.
I'm also excited because tomorrow after work I'm driving out to my sister's farm for a few days. Weather permitting we'll be outside a lot. She has a ton of animals, a five year old son, a 1 1/2 year old daughter and is 9 months pregnant so it'll be very interesting!!! Can't wait.
Hope all is well and will post again soon!
In the past, I haven't really done outdoor activities for one reason or another but right now I'm craving the sun, the wind, birds in the trees, the smell of freshly mown grass, all of it. We have a greenbelt in our neighbourhood where they've actually put in permanent, basic exercise equipment along the trail. They have curl-up benches, elliptical apparatus, etc. I think it's perfect because as you jog, run, walk, bike along the paved path there are all these spots to stop and work out.
I'm also excited because tomorrow after work I'm driving out to my sister's farm for a few days. Weather permitting we'll be outside a lot. She has a ton of animals, a five year old son, a 1 1/2 year old daughter and is 9 months pregnant so it'll be very interesting!!! Can't wait.
Hope all is well and will post again soon!
4.27.2010
Me and my treadmill
It stands in the corner. When I use it I swear. When I finish using it I feel great. I have a love/hate relationship with my treadmill.
Why is it so hard for me to feel motivated? I fight with myself to even get on the thing, and then when I'm actually working out and seeing how many calories I'm burning I get so excited. At the same time, I'm swearing to myself because I feel like I am about to die or be drowned in sweat (ewww) but as I step off I feel almost giddy. I'm so weird.
I have a new roommate moving in this week and so I have to move my dear treadmill out of the spare room and into the living room. I think this is actually a good thing because it will be out in the open, staring me in the face, challenging me to exercise.
Goal this week: do NOT be lazy. Work out. Savour the endorphins (is that what they're called?)
In mosaic news, I've decided to do a flower motif, kind of abstract. My kit comes with some basic tiles, but I really wish we had a good art supply store here. I'm pretty sure I'll end up buying second hand dishes and smashing them to bits. Fun!
Hope all is well with everyone and will hopefully post pictures soon!
Why is it so hard for me to feel motivated? I fight with myself to even get on the thing, and then when I'm actually working out and seeing how many calories I'm burning I get so excited. At the same time, I'm swearing to myself because I feel like I am about to die or be drowned in sweat (ewww) but as I step off I feel almost giddy. I'm so weird.
I have a new roommate moving in this week and so I have to move my dear treadmill out of the spare room and into the living room. I think this is actually a good thing because it will be out in the open, staring me in the face, challenging me to exercise.
Goal this week: do NOT be lazy. Work out. Savour the endorphins (is that what they're called?)
In mosaic news, I've decided to do a flower motif, kind of abstract. My kit comes with some basic tiles, but I really wish we had a good art supply store here. I'm pretty sure I'll end up buying second hand dishes and smashing them to bits. Fun!
Hope all is well with everyone and will hopefully post pictures soon!
4.22.2010
Back on Track
Truth time! After a couple of days of not eating right (but not bingeing either) and no exercise I am back on my routine. I admit that I've let recent stress affect me more than it should have and I'm once again resolved to overcome it. As you know, I've recently purchased furniture and had a water disaster in my kitchen so I've let myself be "distracted". No more!
My mosaic kit is now opened (gasp!) and I've done some sketches of what I want to create. I've sorted the tiles and am thinking I may start on it tonight. I feel better than I have this past week and am optimistic once again. Hope all is well with you, too.
My mosaic kit is now opened (gasp!) and I've done some sketches of what I want to create. I've sorted the tiles and am thinking I may start on it tonight. I feel better than I have this past week and am optimistic once again. Hope all is well with you, too.
4.19.2010
Water, water everywhere
After a rather brutal day at work today, I drive home thinking about my glorious two days off that are about to start. I park the car, turn the key in the lock and step through my door...into half an inch of water covering my kitchen. The lovely family that lives above me has washed food, etc. down their sink again and it's backed up into my apartment. So now I have a maintenance guy trying to stem the flow and save my carpet, which of course will now need to be steam cleaned. *Sigh*...
Even worse than this is the fact that I stress ate yesterday so now I'm back to 234.2 which really makes me angry at myself. But I'm trying to see the positive which is that I have two days off to get myself back on track.
All around, not the best day.
Even worse than this is the fact that I stress ate yesterday so now I'm back to 234.2 which really makes me angry at myself. But I'm trying to see the positive which is that I have two days off to get myself back on track.
All around, not the best day.
4.16.2010
232.9!
I've lost exactly one pound since yesterday and I feel the motivational bug again so look out Saturday weigh-in! I'm curious to know how and when other people weigh themselves. For me, it's first thing in the morning just before I get ready for work but I have friends who do it before they go to bed or just randomly during the day. I don't think it makes a difference but I'm always interested in people's little rituals.
In other news, I now have my sofa and chair legs put on. I did that last night and let me tell you if the manufacturer was in my apartment he'd have heard a mouthful. Whichever genius put the drill holes on the bottom of the frame for the feet to screw in either did not pass basic geometry or had his eyes closed and played pin-the-drill-on-the-sofa. I put them on and all four legs on the sofa were in different spots. After my "that's not right" moment, I made new holes myself and they worked perfect. Sheesh.
Oh, and my mosaic kit is now on my kitchen counter by the refrigerator, still un-opened. I think my subconscience is trying to tell me something as I don't remember putting it there.....
In other news, I now have my sofa and chair legs put on. I did that last night and let me tell you if the manufacturer was in my apartment he'd have heard a mouthful. Whichever genius put the drill holes on the bottom of the frame for the feet to screw in either did not pass basic geometry or had his eyes closed and played pin-the-drill-on-the-sofa. I put them on and all four legs on the sofa were in different spots. After my "that's not right" moment, I made new holes myself and they worked perfect. Sheesh.
Oh, and my mosaic kit is now on my kitchen counter by the refrigerator, still un-opened. I think my subconscience is trying to tell me something as I don't remember putting it there.....
4.15.2010
One step forward, two back?
Me: Good morning, scale!
Scale: 233.9
Me: S of a B!
I'm not sure how I gained since I didn't eat junk or anything yesterday so we'll see if I have a bigger loss for tomorrow. Looking on the bright side, it was a small gain!
In other news, my new furniture arrives today! So excited. And I think half of it is ready to assemble so I have a slight variation in exercise for the next couple of days. I've also decided what I'm going to make first from my mosaic kit. I'm doing the picture frame as I don't have a garden to put a stepping stone in. That was an easy decision so now I just need to open the kit. I'm really struggling with procrastination lately. I haven't had a lot of energy so I think I need to spread out my meals and have little ones throughout the day instead of a set breakfast, lunch and dinner. That'll be my experiment for the rest of the week.
If anyone has good tips on how to keep energy up, I'd love to hear them! Til then, take care!
Scale: 233.9
Me: S of a B!
I'm not sure how I gained since I didn't eat junk or anything yesterday so we'll see if I have a bigger loss for tomorrow. Looking on the bright side, it was a small gain!
In other news, my new furniture arrives today! So excited. And I think half of it is ready to assemble so I have a slight variation in exercise for the next couple of days. I've also decided what I'm going to make first from my mosaic kit. I'm doing the picture frame as I don't have a garden to put a stepping stone in. That was an easy decision so now I just need to open the kit. I'm really struggling with procrastination lately. I haven't had a lot of energy so I think I need to spread out my meals and have little ones throughout the day instead of a set breakfast, lunch and dinner. That'll be my experiment for the rest of the week.
If anyone has good tips on how to keep energy up, I'd love to hear them! Til then, take care!
4.14.2010
So tired...
After a not so restful 6 hours of sleep, I walked groggily to the scale for my updated weight and was pleasantly surprised with the 233.4 that digitally popped up. Not a glorious start but a negative loss is always welcome. I don't have a big post for today but I will mention that I have officially taken the mosaic kit out of my spare room and set it on the table. Since I work today, I doubt that I'll open the kit but it is now in my line of sight as a reminder of my pledge. The only question now is what to make- stepping stone or picture frame?!? To be continued...
First Post Ever!!!
Hello, Blogosphere! (And yes, I did just learn that this word existed and no, I will not use it again!) For those who don't know me which is, no doubt, all of you, I have never attempted anything like this before. As my lovely friends point out, I'm not too quick with the technology but I felt I needed to try something new. You see, I am turning thirty... (pause while reader gasps in horror...)
Up until recently, age was never an issue for me. But this transition has me re-assessing my choices so far and I have to say I feel a bit disappointed. I haven't travelled to the places I wanted to, I don't have as much money saved up as I wanted to, I'm not in the career I thought I would be, I weigh more than I thought I would, etc., etc. So, as an early birthday "present" to me, I've made a list of things I want to change in the hopes that my thirties are a bit more satisfying.
Step one: Lose weight. I will be chronicling my epic task of losing weight alongside the other items on my list. They will not all be revealed at once as I am scared to post something then fail to accomplish it, but this first step is a given. And now, I will be really brave and post my starting weight which is...drum roll...234 lbs. Like I said, not what I expected and entirely my fault (I'm a self-indulgent sofa spud). But I hope by publicly announcing it, I get the kick in the butt I need to get going. I have a treadmill, I have running shoes, I live by a gym, I have no excuses.
In addition to step one, I will now reveal step two so that step one has something to be chronicled alongside, as I previously mentioned...everyone got that?
Step two: Learn mosaic art. I've always been artistic and have been told I have talent, but in truth have not attempted anything in years. I've let myself be caught up in work and life and have stopped myself from doing something I really, really enjoy. And I wonder why I feel unfulfilled...the plot thickens. Mosaic art is a medium I've always wanted to learn and so I've bought myself a beginner's kit to test it out. If I can figure out how to upload pictures I will be sharing my progress with you.
So for now i think I've got a full week ahead of me. I'll be checking in every day, hopefully with my decreasing weight and progress in mosaics. I am open to suggestions for new things to try and look forward to hearing your own tales of self-improvement, discovery and awareness.
Up until recently, age was never an issue for me. But this transition has me re-assessing my choices so far and I have to say I feel a bit disappointed. I haven't travelled to the places I wanted to, I don't have as much money saved up as I wanted to, I'm not in the career I thought I would be, I weigh more than I thought I would, etc., etc. So, as an early birthday "present" to me, I've made a list of things I want to change in the hopes that my thirties are a bit more satisfying.
Step one: Lose weight. I will be chronicling my epic task of losing weight alongside the other items on my list. They will not all be revealed at once as I am scared to post something then fail to accomplish it, but this first step is a given. And now, I will be really brave and post my starting weight which is...drum roll...234 lbs. Like I said, not what I expected and entirely my fault (I'm a self-indulgent sofa spud). But I hope by publicly announcing it, I get the kick in the butt I need to get going. I have a treadmill, I have running shoes, I live by a gym, I have no excuses.
In addition to step one, I will now reveal step two so that step one has something to be chronicled alongside, as I previously mentioned...everyone got that?
Step two: Learn mosaic art. I've always been artistic and have been told I have talent, but in truth have not attempted anything in years. I've let myself be caught up in work and life and have stopped myself from doing something I really, really enjoy. And I wonder why I feel unfulfilled...the plot thickens. Mosaic art is a medium I've always wanted to learn and so I've bought myself a beginner's kit to test it out. If I can figure out how to upload pictures I will be sharing my progress with you.
So for now i think I've got a full week ahead of me. I'll be checking in every day, hopefully with my decreasing weight and progress in mosaics. I am open to suggestions for new things to try and look forward to hearing your own tales of self-improvement, discovery and awareness.
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